It's been a minute...

 

I've been busy with life, work and gaming. I am not looking forward to Christmas at all. I'm already ready for it to be over.

Work has been a drag lately. We are horribly short handed and now they have taken our vacations from us until further notice. I guess if I need a vacation I can just go to work without my mask and wait for the germs to find me. If I'm sick then I can stay home. 

Yeah I know, I'm being naughty. But hell they can't expect us to just never take vacation again. We're entitled to it as we earned it. So one way or another, I'm getting mine. 

I have GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) & I did really well for a while but, I am struggling pretty bad again so I have an appt. with my doc to see about getting some more anxiety medicine again. I can't live in panic mode. There's just no way.

My nice neighbors have moved out so I am now praying the landlord will find another nice, quiet and friendly person to live next door. 🤞🏻

So far we are having a mild winter. I hope it stays that way.

Have an awesome day!

I have tried...

I have tried with people. I truly have. But I'm at the point where I'm ready to give up. It's been almost 60 yrs. People are still the same jerks they've always been. They're not gonna change and I'm tired of waiting for someone to care. I just can't with people anymore. I'm done. I'm sick of trying just to have people hurt me again and again. They must get some sick form of pleasure from it because that's the only way I can get it to make sense in my head.

I don't want to waste anymore energy on people who don't give a rats ass about me.

In the Quiet

 

In the quiet I examine the many scars I have aquired over the years.

Ones I didn't deserve that caused so many tears.

Ones I never even understood yet, I was forced to endure.

Ones that have left me in a world where I am forever unsure.

Ones that went so deep I never thought I would see the light of day.

Ones that have been with me forever and will never go away.

Whenever someone touches my heart I feel it in every scar.

I know that a new pain is never very far.

No matter what I do or say, it will always be this way. 

The scars are here for life.

Cutting me like a knife.

I can no longer trust letting anyone in because that is how it will begin.

Each day I die a little more inside.

All I want to do is hide.

Hide from the pain that wraps around me like a chain.

Each scar is unique in the making.

Each one has left my heart breaking.

For every scar is part of my memoir.

~Anonymous

Absolute Misery

My sinuses are driving me crazy. They are just so stopped up I am absolutely miserable. The CPAP therapy just makes it worse. I'm about ready to give up on my CPAP therapy. It's been nothing but a pain in the neck. I don't feel like it's helping me that much anymore. I'm not getting any rest with it really. I was for a while but anymore it's just feeling like it's smothering me. No matter how low the pressure is it still makes my sinuses inflamed and I end up getting infections. It makes death seem more appealing. 

Working this weekend. Off Monday and we might get more snow on Monday. I will be warm inside the house playing video games & watching tv.

Day 7

What a drag...I go back to work tomorrow. I could use another week. I tried to avoid talking to any co-workers cuz they like to complain about work when I'm on vacation. From now on...that has to stop. Yesterday my ride called and insisted on griping about things. Kinda was a bummer.

Waiting on groceries to be delivered. I need to watch some church and football will be on at noon I think. Might game later. Don't know yet. I have a couple shows to get caught up on as well.